Rocket, Thor, and Peter: BFF's(?)
by theaspiringwriter23
Summary: Rocket and the rest of the team (mostly Nebula) get tired of Peter and Thor's bickering. But when Rocket tries to get them to bond, they do it in a way Rocket quickly regrets.


The Guardians were on a mission. In the planet Balandavar, a group of hostages were in a giant building. And The Guardians were hired to save them.

"So here's the plan-", Peter said.

"Actually, I have a plan", Thor said.

Peter groaned.

"Well, I'm the Captain, so we're going to go with MY plan!", Peter retorted back, "So Rocket will crawl in the vents to keep a watch on the hostages and the terrorists. Groot will use his hands to get the doors unlocked and get us to sneak into the building. Drax will beat up the guards and anyone else on the terrorists' side. Once Groot walks in, everyone else will run in, we will kick the terrorists' ass and save the hostages!"

"I think that plan has some holes", Thor said.

This made Peter furious.

"What are you talking about?!", Peter angrily retorted.

"Yeah, why do I have to keep lookout?! Why can't I kick ass too?!", Rocket demanded.

"And how do you know that the guards won't have guns? Or they won't catch Groot sneaking us in? And how are we all supposed to sneak in anyway?", Thor wondered.

"Do you have a better plan?", Peter asked jealously.

"Yes, Peter, you, Drax, and Groot go into the building first. Groot unlocks the doors but, if the guards catch us and try to shoot us, Peter, you can use your guns to shoot them back and then, if you just point your guns at each other, then Drax and Groot, you go behind the guards, beat them up from behind, and do the same things until you get to the main room. Then I, along with Nebula and Mantis will come in as back up. And Rocket, you stay in the vent to keep watch until we need you to come in and fight!", Thor explained.

"Hey that plan is full of holes too!", Peter pointed out, "What if they aim at a gun at me, Drax, AND Groot? How are Drax and Groot supposed to "go behind them and attack"? They'll probably shoot Drax and Groot if they move a muscle!"

Rocket couldn't take this anymore!

"Here's an idea: just go in and blow stuff up except for, y'know, the people we've been paid to save!"

Suddenly The Guardians saw a spaceship fly out of the building and go far away from Balandavar.

Rocket got even more pissed.

"See what you just did?! Because of you two's incessant complaining, we lost the hostages! Now we'll never get those units!"

"Well, if Thor didn't question my status as captain, this wouldn't have happened", Peter explained, ANNOYED.

"I didn't question your status as captain, I just thought the plan could've been better thought out", Thor tiredly pointed out.

"Yeah Quill, this is hardly the only time other Guardians have come up with a plan. I've come up with plans tons of times. Don't you remember how, oh right, it was MY plan that got us out of Xandar in the first place?! Y'know the place where we all met?! If anything, I'm the one who brought everyone together, realistically I should be the captain but guess what?! I ain't interested!", Rocket ranted, "So why can't you just hear Thor out?! Jesus you two are so petty, let's go back to the Benatar and see if we can find these terrorists!"

Back at the ship, The Guardians were trying to track the ship the Terrorists were using on their computer.

"It looks like they went to Valamar", Nebula pointed out.

"Jesus, that's far", Peter said.

"Not as far as the Nine Realms are to Asgard", Thor pointed out.

"Why even point that out? Who cares about Asgard and the Nine Realms, it has nothing to do with the mission", Peter said dismissively.

"I was just saying", Thor said, a little hurt.

"Well maybe you should think before you talk", Peter said.

"Quiet you two, there's money to be made and people's lives at stake!", Rocket said.

Nebula slapped Rocket in the back of his head.

"What was that for?! I pointed out people were in danger!"

"Look, maybe if we increase the speed of the ship, we'll be able to get there at a faster rate", Nebula said, offering a suggestion.

"Oh no no no, no one's speeding up this baby, I'm not gonna waste that much gas", Peter said.

"Peter, this is people's lives we're talking about, what's more important? The ship's gas or saving the hostages?", Nebula asked.

Peter sighed.

"You're right".

So they sped up the ship and were on Valamar in no time! Rocket was tracking the terrorists and hostages on a tracker he made from old, broken parts from the ship.

"They're in there", Rocket said, pointing to a seedy bar.

The Guardians walked into the bar and saw six people at a table. Three of the people had guns in their pockets and three of the other people were clearly unhappy to be with them. The Guardians knew exactly where to find their targets. The Guardians walked slowly to the terrorists.

"Alright, guys, don't make a-", Peter whispered when BAM Thor hit one of the terrorists in the back of their head with Mjolnr, knocking him out, unconscious. The other two terrorists quickly took out their guns and started shooting The Guardians. Peter and Rocket started shooting back with their guns while Nebula, Drax, Mantis, and Groot went to whisk the hostages away from their captors, as well as everyone else in the bar.

Rocket and Peter continued to be in a shootout with the terrorists, always dodging their bullets in different ways as they shot each other back and forth.

That was until Thor went behind The Terrorists and hit both of them with Mjolnr, finally ending the shoot out. Rocket and Peter joined Thor.

"Thanks Thor", Rocket said.

"Thanks? We got this and you hit them without my permission!", Peter complained.

"I saved your lives", Thor said, hurt.

"We had everything under control", Peter said back.

"Please, you two would've just been shooting at them all day if I didn't come in", Thor said.

"He's got a point", Rocket pointed out, "Let's just go back and return the hostages back to their planet".

The Guardians, as well as the hostages, went back to Balandavar and returned the hostages home. Suddenly they were hounded by Balandavarian Reporters, asking them about what happened.

"Thank you, Thank you", Thor said, "All of The Guardians did their part, Peter and Rocket kept the terrorists busy while Drax, Groot, Mantis, and Groot helped get everyone out of the bar. But it was definitely thanks to me and Mjolnr that we were finally able to end things once and for all".

Peter got annoyed by this.

"What he MEANS is that thanks to ME and Rocket, but mostly me, we were able to bring the terrorists down by distracting them and leading them to their doom."

Nebula was annoyed and walked towards the reporters.

"It was thanks to everyone that the hostages were returned safely. We all did our part and no one is going to take most of the credit", she said while glaring angrily at Peter and Thor. Rocket looked up at them, glaring angrily at them too, tired of their bickering.

Back at the ship, Peter, Thor, and Rocket were in the kitchen.

"I think, for tonight, we should order out, have something to celebrate", Peter said.

"Well I think I should make the finest cuisines from Asgard", Thor said.

"No one cares about your planet's crappy food!", Peter retorted.

"Crappy?! How dare you disrespect my culture like that!", Thor retorted back.

"Oh boo hoo, I made fun of your food", Peter mocked.

Rocket couldn't take their bickering anymore. Suddenly he snapped and jumped on the table to be able to look at the two tall men face to face.

"That's it! You know what we should have for dinner?! Beer! Maybe if you're drunk, you'll learn to enjoy each other's company!", Rocket ranted.

"But Rocket-", Peter said.

"No buts, get some beers out and let's learn to get along! Even for our team, your bickering's too much! At least when I make fun of you, you know I don't actually hate you. But you, Quill?! You seem to actually be jealous of Thor considering how many times you start pissing matches with him! But guess what?! Maybe there are things he's better at. I'm sure he has a bigger penis for one thing!"

"I do have a bigger penis", Thor chuckled.

"How would you even know that?", Peter said, ANNOYED.

"It doesn't matter! Shut up and get wasted! Nothing brings people together like the nice taste of alcohol!", Rocket said.

Rocket was sitting on the table while Peter and Thor were sitting in chairs, all drinking together.

"So my brother LIED to me. I swear, he L-Y-E-uh-D to me about being dead!", Thor said, drunk.

"Wow, he lied about being dead?! How-how do you lie about that? Especially when you see it? It don't make sense", Peter said, drunk.

"I don't know, I don't...know", Thor stumbled.

"Well, I'm in a similar boat. My Dad killed my Mother and didn't even let me know until much later", Peter said, "So I-I know how you feel. Kinda"

"Did you make up with your father?", Thor asked.

"Nah, he was an asshole, we blew his ass up!", Peter said drunkingly.

"Well I made up with Loki. And then he died. Again", Thor said, half joking and half contemplating.

"Are you sure he didn't fake his death again?", Peter asked.

"Don't...you...start", Rocket said, trying to sound intimidating while drunk.

"It's okay, r-rabbit, he actually is alive again, though The Avengers told me later that he e-escaped when they went back to 2012", Thor pointed out.

"Woah, like, doesn't that mean he's out there? Doing who knows what?", Peter wondered.

Thor thought about it for a second. Peter saw this and decided to change the topic.

"So do you want to hear an embarrassing story?"

"What?" Thor asked.

"Did Rocket ever tell you how he was, err, born?"

Rocket suddenly started feeling embarrassed. He didn't really want to talk to Thor about his traumatic past.

"Do-do we need to?", Rocket asked, trying to change the topic yet again.

"Come on, Rocket, let me tell the story", Peter pleaded.

"But I really don't want you to", Rocket pleaded back.

"Ra-Rabbit, this is a big thing to be keeping from me for 5 years, I'd rather like to know what happened to you. C'mon, don't hide it from me, I'm one of your best friends, okay, you shouldn't feel like you should hide anything from me", Thor explained.

Rocket grumbled, IRRITATED.

"Fine, but let ME tell the story. I wasn't born per se, okay, I was created in a fucking lab! I don't remember exactly how I was made but I do know that, once I was made, they keep putting me apart and then putting me back together over and over and over again until I became the freak I am today!"

Suddenly Thor and Peter were made uncomfortable by the rant Rocket just went on.

"Rabbit, you are...NOT a freak and don't let anyone, ANYONE, tell you otherwise", Thor said encouragingly.

"Yeah, I love you man just. The. Way. You. Are", Peter said, "Don't ruin the mood, okay? Plus I wanted to tell a story about it that's funny and heartwarming".

"What story could that be?", Rocket said begrudgingly.

"Okay, so Rocket takes sleeping pills because, if he doesn't, he'll have nightmares about his past. One day though Rocket took one too many pills and he was laying on the couch, really drowsy, not wanting to move at all", Peter explained, "So I asked him what happened and, once he told me, I asked if I could take him to bed. So then I", he started chuckling, "Literally picked him up and carried him off to his room like a little baby".

Thor started chuckling.

"That is pretty funny!"

But Rocket REALLY wasn't amused. And it was one thing for Quill to make fun of his trauma but THOR?! He stood up furiously.

"No it's not!"

"C'mon man, it's not a big-", Peter started explaining.

"How dare you make fun of my pain!", Rocket shouted. Then he jumped off the table but, being drunk and all, landed on his face.

Thor and Peter started getting concerned, even in their drunken state.

"Are you okay buddy?", Peter said, WORRIED.

Rocket slowly but surely gets up.

"Why? So you can carry me away like a LI'L baby again?", Rocket asked, clearly holding a grudge, "I'm glad you two are getting along now but don't bond over making fun of me!"

"Rabbit, I-I-I am so sorry, I never meant to make you angry", Thor said.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed!", Rocket said and stumbled out of the kitchen.

"Geez, I didn't expect everything to go THAT badly", Peter said.

"Well, he's not, y'know, wrong", Thor explained, "You helped him out when he was at a low point in his life and then made fun of him for it. Even when I'm drunk I can tell why that's kinda shitty".

"Hey now, you laughed at it", Peter said.

"And, y'know, maybe I shouldn't have. We should probably apologize to him", Thor said.

"No, we need to wait, okay?! You do NOT want to deal with Rocket when you get him started. He's scary enough as is, he gets even worse when he starts holding a grudge!", Peter explained.

"Are you sure?", Thor asked.

"Tr-rust me, wait until the morning to talk to him and he'll probably be at least a LITTLE more reasonable", Peter explained.

"I don't know, I know what you're saying but I think I sho-ould go talk to him", Thor said then headed out of the kitchen.

"Dude, you're making a mistake! Dude!", Peter said. But, noticing Thor was ignoring him, Peter went after him.

Rocket was in the living room, pacing back and forth, on four legs, albeit doing it slowly and stumbling a bit because he was still drunk. Thor and Peter walked to him.

"Rabbit?", Thor asked.

"What do you want?", Rocket asked grudgingly.

"I want-to talk to you", Thor said.

"Not interested", Rocket said. Rocket then went to the couch and put his hands on it. He tried climbing it with his feet but kept stumbling while trying to get on the couch. Thor picked up Rocket and put him on the couch. That's what Thor now thinks of me, Rocket thought. Weak. Someone to take care of. He angrily waved his hand away after placing him on the couch.

"Leave me alone", Rocket snapped.

"Man, just let him speak", Peter said.

Thor and Peter kneeled down to look at Rocket in the eye.

"Look, I shouldn't have made fun of your situation and I'm sorry that I did", Peter said.

"Yeah, well thanks to you, Quill, Thor now thinks I'm weak so apology NOT accepted", Rocket said.

"I don't think you're weak", Thor said, surprised Rocket would ever think that.

"What?", Rocket asked, caught off guard.

"You are the bravest man I've ever met. And this isn't the alcohol saying that I really, really think that. You were born a Rabbit of all things and you have no problem getting into situations most creatures your size would probably want to flee away from. You helped save the galaxy 3, count 'em, 3 times, you have no problem telling people much bigger than you what you think about them, you have no problem setting people straight and letting people know when they've messed up, you slapped me, ME, even though I could rip you apart. Granted your intervention didn't help one bit but I still commend your balls! You have balls, man, balls! And you also helped me out during a tough time, that talk you gave me when I was feeling down about my ship getting attacked by Thanos, as well as helping me get a new eye, really helped me out and made me feel better when I was at my lowest. You've done so much for me, for your team, for. Your. Family. You should never feel weak because, man, you're not", Thor assured him.

Rocket thought about it some more. He sighed and gave both Thor and Peter a half-cocked smile.

"Thanks Thor. And I accept your apology, Quill", Rocket said.

"Of course", Thor said back.

"Well", Rocket yawned, "Time for bed".

Rocket got up then jumped off the couch but landed on his face again. He tried getting up but was stumbling a bit.

"Hey, Rabbit, let's make it up to you. Can we carry you off to bed?", Thor asked.

Rocket sighed.

"Fine".

Peter got up. Thor scooped Rocket up in his arms and slowly got up, trying to be as careful as he could considering he was still drunk yet trying to get up while having Rocket in his arms.

Thor and Peter walked to Rocket's room as Thor carried Rocket around.

"Aww is it the little guy's beddy-bye time?", Peter cooed.

"Hey Peter, remember what just happened?", Rocket asked, annoyed.

"Just kidding, man, do-don't worry", Peter assured him.

Thor and Peter got to Rocket's room. Peter was searching for the button to open the door, slowly scanning it because, in his drunken state, he couldn't quite make it out right away. He saw it and then pressed it slowly. It didn't open so he pressed it again, harder this time, and the door opened. Thor and Peter walked into the room. Peter opened up the covers and Thor slowly put Rocket into the bed. Then Peter tucked Rocket in.

"Hey man, ya want us to tell you a bedtime story?", Peter cooed again.

"Again, Quill, stop ruining the moment!", Rocket said angrily.

"We should probably go. But-but look at him, Peter, isn't he such a great guy?", Thor asked.

"Not always the nicest but he-he's a good friend, I trust him", Peter said, "See that Rocket? I trust you".

"Good, thanks for trusting me. Stop staring at me and let me go to sleep", Rocket said.

"Alright, Good Night, Rabbit", Thor said.

"Yeah, Good Night, Trash Panda", Peter said.

"Yeah whatever", Rocket yawned, "Night guys".

Thor and Peter smiled, happily. Then they left Rocket to rest and went to bed themselves.

THE END


End file.
